Rimming 101: technique, hygiene and safety

What rimming is

Rimming, or analingus, is oral sex on the anus: kissing, licking and pushing the tongue against and into the rim. The anus and the skin around it are packed with nerve endings, which is why it feels so good for the man receiving it, and why it is one of the best ways to relax a bottom before anal sex, fingers or toys. It is also, for a lot of men, a pleasure in its own right.

Getting clean

For the man on the receiving end, a shower is the whole preparation: wash the area with water and a mild soap, rinse well, and dry. You do not need antibacterial soap, which dries the skin, and you do not need to douche for rimming alone; a quick rinse with a bulb is optional if you want extra confidence or if anal sex is next (see how to use an anal shower). Trimmed or shaved is a matter of taste; hair does not make you less clean. For the giver: brush your teeth well before, not right before, because a freshly brushed mouth has tiny cuts in the gums, and skip rimming if you have a cold sore, mouth ulcers or bleeding gums.

Health: the honest version

The mouth meets the gut here, so some infections can pass in both directions: hepatitis A, shigella and other stomach bugs, and sexually transmitted infections such as gonorrhoea and chlamydia of the throat, syphilis, herpes and HPV. Rimming does not transmit HIV in any meaningful way. What lowers the risk:

• Get vaccinated against hepatitis A and B (and HPV if you can). Sexual health clinics offer these to men who have sex with men.
• Do not rim, or get rimmed, when either of you has diarrhoea, a stomach bug or symptoms of one; wait a week after they are gone.
• Use a dental dam (a thin latex square) or a condom cut open lengthways as a barrier when you do not know each other's status, and a drop of lube on the skin side makes it feel better.
• Test regularly, throat and rectum included, not only blood and urine.

Technique

Take your time. The anus opens when its owner is relaxed, and nothing relaxes a man less than a tongue rammed straight at it. Start with the cheeks, the thighs and the perineum, massage the muscles around the hole with your hands, and let him feel your breath before your tongue. Then:

• Circle the rim slowly with the tip of your tongue, then with the flat of your tongue, long licks from the perineum up.
• Flick the tip up and down over the opening, and press gently with a firm tongue when you feel him open.
• Alternate: spread him with your hands, use your lips and a light suck, add a lubed finger when he pushes back.
• Vary the pressure and the speed. Watch his breathing and his hips; when the hole visibly relaxes and opens, that is a yes.

Good positions: face down with a pillow under the hips, on all fours, on his back with his knees pulled up, or him sitting on your face, which gives him control over the pressure. A sling or a rimming seat puts everything at the right height for long sessions. Say what you like and ask what he likes; nobody reads minds with a tongue in his ass.

From rimming to more

A well-rimmed bottom is warm, open and ready. Add plenty of anal lube, start with a finger or a small plug, and work up from there; the size guide tells you which sizes. If you like the taste and the intimacy, a jockstrap frames the view nicely and stays on. And if you both keep wanting more, there is a prostate massager, an anal vibrator or a dildo waiting for the next round.