The hanky code: colours, pockets and what they mean

What the hanky code is

The hanky code (also called the handkerchief code or bandana code) is a colour system gay men use to signal what they are into and which role they take, without saying a word. A bandana in the left back pocket means you are the active partner: the top, the giver, the one in charge. In the right back pocket it means you are the receiving partner: the bottom, the one who takes. The colour says which kind of play.

Where it comes from

The favourite origin story goes back to the American West of the 1800s: at dances in mining camps and railroad towns with few women, men are said to have worn a blue bandana to dance the man's part and a red one to dance the woman's part. Whether or not that is more than a good story, the code as gay men know it took shape in the leather bars of San Francisco and New York in the early 1970s. Leather shops printed the first colour charts, gay guidebooks reprinted them, and within a few years a man could walk into a leather bar in Amsterdam, Berlin or Sydney and read the room from the back pockets.

The colours

Meanings differ slightly from list to list and from city to city, so treat this as the common ground. Left is the giver, right the receiver.

• Red: fisting. Left fists, right gets fisted.
• Dark blue (navy): anal sex. Left top, right bottom.
• Light blue: oral sex. Left wants to be sucked, right sucks.
• Yellow: watersports. Left pisses, right takes it.
• Black: heavy SM. Left the sadist, right the masochist. See BDSM and fetish.
• Grey: bondage. Left ties up, right gets tied. See restraints and rope.
• Brown: scat.
• Green: hustling. Left is for hire, right is paying.
• Orange: left anything goes, right nothing right now, just looking.
• White: jacking off. Left does it for you, right wants it done.
• Purple: piercing. Left piercer, right piercee.
• Light pink: dildos. Left uses them on you, right takes them.
• Dark pink: tit play. Left gives, right receives. See nipple clamps.
• Fuchsia: spanking. See paddles and floggers.
• Mustard: size. Left has a big one, right wants one.
• Hunter green: daddy on the left, boy on the right.
• Olive drab: uniforms and military. Left is the soldier, right likes soldiers.
• Beige: rimming. Left rims, right gets rimmed.
• Charcoal: rubber and latex.
• Lavender: drag. Left is a drag queen, right likes drag queens.
• Gold: threesomes. Left is a couple looking for a third, right is a single looking for a couple.
• Leopard print: tattoos. Left has them, right likes them.
• Teddy bear: cuddling.

How to wear it

The classic way is a folded bandana in the back pocket of your jeans with a third hanging out. It also works tied around the neck, the upper arm, the wrist or a boot, clipped to a harness or tucked in the waistband of a jockstrap, always on the left or the right side. Around the neck usually means versatile. Two colours, two interests. Under bar lighting navy, black and dark green look alike, so a man who really wants to know will ask, and that is the point: the code opens the conversation, it never replaces consent.

The code today

Apps have taken over most of the cruising, and profile abbreviations do what the hanky once did (we explain those in the Grindr code). But at leather weekends, fetish nights, Pride and street fairs the hanky is very much alive, partly as a signal, partly as a flag of belonging to a scene with fifty years of history. Wear it in the old meaning or wear it because it looks good; either way, know what it says. Bandanas and hankies are in socks, hankies and shirts, the rest of the look in leather wear and fetish wear.