The best sex toys for gay men who are just starting

If you are new to toys, start with three things: a slim silicone butt plug, a water-based anal lube and an adjustable cock ring. Add a small anal douche once you want to feel ready for anal sex, a beginner prostate massager when you want to find your P-spot, and a soft stroker for solo nights. Small and simple beats big and clever every time: the first toy should feel easy, not like a test.

The short list: best first toys by situation

• Best first butt plug: Shots Toys Slim Beginner Butt Plug. Ultra-soft silicone with a conical shape that narrows to a rounded tip, plus a handle at the base so you can guide it in and out with a proper grip.
• Best classic shape: Doc Johnson The Classic Small. A smooth teardrop plug of 4.5 inches (about 11.4 cm) long with a flared base, in phthalate-free PVC.
• Best for building up step by step: XR Brands 3 Piece Anal Trainer Set. Three graduated silicone plugs with rounded tips, each with a suction cup base for hands-free use against a smooth surface.
• Best first prostate massager: Rocks-Off Quest. Slim and finger-shaped with an angled head, ten vibration and pulse levels, one button on the base and a AAA battery included.
• Best prostate toy to share with a partner: SinsFactory Beginner Prostatic Vibrator. Only 2 cm wide and 8.7 cm insertable, with two motors (one inside, one on the perineum), USB charging and a remote you can hand over.
• Best first cock ring: Levelz Adjustable Silicone Lasso Cockring. A 5 mm silicone loop with a locking slider, so you set the tension yourself instead of guessing a size.
• Best cock ring for sex with a partner: Doc Johnson Vibrating C-Ring. Stretchy silicone with a removable bullet: turn it upward toward your partner or downward toward your balls.
• Best first stroker: XKIN Raw The Grip. A compact 137 g TPE sleeve with no motor or bullet, light enough to hold in one hand.
• Best first douche: Ouch Anal Douche Small. A 75 ml bulb that is easy to handle and small enough for a wash bag.
• Best everyday anal lube: Loveline Anal Lubricant. Water-based, fat-free, colourless and odourless, and compatible with latex condoms.

Comparison table

Your first butt plug: what size to start with

For a first plug, look for a narrow tip, a body that widens gradually, a clear neck and a flared base. The base is not optional: anything that goes in the ass needs a stop that keeps it from slipping inside. As a rule of thumb, a widest point of about 2.5 to 3 cm is a comfortable start for most men, roughly the width of one or two fingers.

Silicone is the easiest material to begin with: it is non-porous, soft and simple to clean. The Doc Johnson Classic is PVC, which is firmer and less durable over the years.

If you suspect you will want to go bigger, a training set saves you buying plugs one at a time. Use the smallest plug until it feels boring, then move to the next one. More shapes are under butt plugs and anal training sets.

Your first prostate massager

The prostate sits a few centimetres inside, toward the front of the body. A beginner prostate massager is slim with a curved or angled head that presses on that spot. Vibration makes it easier to find; a non-vibrating toy gives a slower, deeper feeling once you know where to aim.

Start on the lowest setting. Gentle, patient pressure works better than force. Our guide prostate massage for beginners takes you through it step by step. With a partner, the SinsFactory remote lets them control the rhythm while you relax. All models are under prostate massagers.

Your first cock ring

A cock ring sits around the base of the shaft, or around the shaft and balls, and keeps a snug hold while you are hard. Most men wear one for the tight feeling, the look and a stronger sense of their erection.

For a first ring, adjustable beats fixed. A lasso or a stretchy silicone ring forgives a wrong guess about size, while a steel ring of the wrong diameter can be hard to remove. Put it on while soft or half hard, keep it on for no more than about 20 to 30 minutes at first, and take it off at once if your cock turns cold, numb, blue or painful. The cock ring guide compares steel, silicone and leather, and you will find more under silicone cock rings and vibrating cock rings.

Your first stroker

A stroker or masturbator is a sleeve you slide over your cock. For a first one, choose something small and easy to rinse, without a motor, so you learn which texture and tightness you like. TPE feels warm and soft but is slightly porous, so it needs proper drying after every use. More options are under masturbators.

Anal douching before sex

A douche is optional, but many men feel more relaxed with one. Use lukewarm water only, fill the bulb, lube the nozzle, insert it gently and let the water out on the toilet. Two or three small rinses are enough; more is not better. Our guide how to use an anal shower covers the details, and other models are under douches and enemas.

Which lube to use

The ass does not make its own lubrication, so lube is essential with every anal toy. For beginners, a water-based lube is the best all-round choice: it works with silicone toys and latex condoms and rinses off with water. Silicone lube lasts longer but can damage silicone toys. See anal lubes and water-based lubes. With a partner, put a fresh condom on any toy you share.

How to use your first toys safely

• Warm up with a lubed finger before any plug or massager.
• Breathe out as the toy goes in, and stop whenever you feel pain or sharp resistance.
• Only use anal toys with a flared base or a loop you can hold.
• Never move a toy from the ass to the mouth or to another body without washing it or changing the condom.
• Keep first sessions short, around 15 to 20 minutes, and stop if you see blood.
• With a partner, agree beforehand what you want to try and how either of you says stop.

Cleaning and care

Wash every toy after use with warm water and mild soap or a toy cleaner, rinse well and let it air-dry. Take out batteries or bullets first. Rinse a stroker through, turn it inside out where possible and let it dry fully. Store toys separately, away from heat and sunlight, and replace TPE or PVC toys once the surface turns sticky or cracks.

Frequently asked questions